Identifying And Dealing With Codependency

By Edna Booker


There are certain people that do not have any self worth and they usually rely on others to give them a sense of identity. A codependent relationship like this is very unhealthy as it often involves the person ignoring their own mental, emotional and physical needs in order to please and gain the approval of others. Codependency is often hard to identify and treat as there is usually denial involved.

They often have difficulty with boundaries. They may have weak, blurred boundaries and feel too responsible for the feelings and problems of others. They keep trying to fix the other person and feel rejected if their advice is ignored. On the other hand their boundaries may be too rigid, preventing any real closeness. They often vacillate between being too weak or too rigid.

Real communication is usually absent in such a situation. The codependent person is so afraid of rejection and abandonment that they cannot be truthful. They support the other person even if this is at the detriment of their own health. Addiction, immaturity, irresponsibility and other problems are supported out of fear. Such a person would rather remain in an abusive relationship out of fear of being alone and abandoned.

They will often remain in an abusive relationship because they are so afraid of being alone. They will end up supporting addiction, self-destructive behavior and immaturity because they are3 too fearful to address it. They have such low self-esteem that they are trapped in the relationship. As a result they experience shame, anger, resentment, despair and depression.

In such a relationship, a partner will often cater to the anxiety of the codependent person. They delude themselves into thinking they are helping but they may just be reinforcing the negative behavior patterns. To repair such a relationship, it is important to set boundaries and for each person to find happiness as an individual.

Codependents are often in denial and so the first step towards healing may be recognition of the problem. They need to realize that they are creating their own problems rather than blaming it on the situation or the partner. It is often very difficult for them to reach out for help because they feel shame and fear.

There are many internet sites today dedicated to dealing with this problem. They help a sufferer to identify the problem by giving all the different symptoms. There are different levels of severity and the sooner some people receive help, the more likely they are to address the problem effectively and save their relationships.

One of the best ways of dealing with this problem is for the codependent person to begin to develop self respect. However, this is easier said than done and often involves professional guidance. A problem like this can ruin lives and the sooner it is addressed the better. It starts with awareness of the problem, acceptance that it needs to change and then taking the appropriate action. Seeking professional help is important and there are many people experienced in treating such problems.




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